Ahh. . hmm. . .Where do I start? I checked the word count and it still says one. . .Somethings wrong with that.
Well. . . it’s been a month. . .a long month. I’ve been trying to figure things out for myself before. . .yeah. (Damn, I’m vague) Anyways, I haven’t talked about him yet, but it was almost all about him this month I’ve been away from blogging. (That and schoolwork) It was his birthday. You know, I’m . . . I don’t know where I stand with him. It’s all very complicated.
I mean, I like the guy. . . a lot (that’s not saying a lot, though) and he KNOWS that I like him, but has someone else in mind. I’ve been pondering that for a full week now, just back and forth; should I tell him? Should I even bother? I mean he still surprised me without knowing, (at least, I think he doesn’t know), by inviting me to his birthday party, let alone, actually go to his house on his actual birthday. I feel like I’m singling myself out to be something remotely special (even though I know I’m not). Were those all of my chances of confessing given to me, by him? What were they?
It was beyond me though; I didn’t have time to think further of those actions. In the days up to this blog, a few family members have passed away. I let the tears flow without him knowing; caring only for the thoughts of close family members. I was in mourning. If I told him, would it have made any difference? The fact that his warm embrace would’ve made the pain less for me to bare. Would he have done that for me? No. . .I don’t know.
I wish I did.
There’s more to discuss, but I’ll leave that for a separate post when I have the time, considering how much I focus on the past.
Ahh jeez. What have I gotten myself into?
