A few days’ve passed. . .

I’m slowly getting over him. It’s hard, but I’m trying. . .or am I just giving up on him as a person completely. . . That’s the thing that’s bothering me. I feel like I’m losing my status as one of his best friends. . .however, at this point, I don’t know what I am to him. I’ve mentioned to him that I’m not really that special of a person for him to talk to. . .he says otherwise, even aside from those he hangs out more, and have known longer.

How am I special? Are those words meant to appeal to my eye? Are those words just sugar coated? Can I really trust you after so much shit you’ve put me through?  

I don’t know. . . I just don’t know anymore.

I’ve discussed with my best friend since middle school. She questions the reasons why I’m still his friend too.

So much pain, so much grief and regret created in such a small period of time. . . That was you. . .So many tears I’ve cried; you don’t even know. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. . .It’s  like the same cycle over and over. . .I hate being the one having to put in all this effort. . .

You just don’t know.

I don’t know why I’m remembering this now. . .I guess it’s just one of those moments. Sorry for not being one of those “living-in-the-moment” kind of guys. It was a lot of mental anguish for a young highschooler such as myself. A lot of people don’t know what happened. . . I’m guessing that’d be a good thing . . .but, I don’t think a lot of people would want to know either, since it’d probably be on the “down low”.(I’m wondering if you do though, because talking to complete strangers about your problems knowing you’ll never actually meet them is just awesome.)  That felt good to get off my chest. I feel like I can move on just a bit more. . . Hope for the best, yeah?

On a side note,(sorry for making this blog post a bit lenghty), I’m happy that I’ve had my first commenter and first sign that someone, somewhere (over the rainbooow), is actually reading this, and I am not, in fact, talking to air. Yes, thank you very much for giving me a brief moment of happiness.

Hello world! (wow, really?)

So . . . first blog. I’m not sure what to think about this. Yay? I don’t know. I kept the first part of the “automatic” new blog. Funny.

Umm, maybe an introduction:

My name is obviously a pen name. I’m a bi-sexual high schooler whose been through too much. Then again, who hasn’t? I’ll start messing with fonts and things later. . . right now, I’m contemplating on what to talk about, or rather plan to talk about. I guess I’ll start off with my domain name. Pretty strange, right? At least, I think so. I chose “hakumeirain” because in Japanese, the word “hakumei” means twilight, so it’s basically “twilight rain”. It’s not a reference to the ever-so-popular vampire book by Stephanie Myers, no there’s actual thought to it. When I think of twilight I think of the colors black and white. Black and white being their forms of good and evil, however, I also think of D.N. Angel (If you haven’t watched it, go do it later, it’s pretty good. . .then again, who am I to suggest such things?) In that particular anime there’re two characters who are the opposite of the meaning of those colors: Dark, being the mischievous, thief/protagonist (still good), and Krad, the crazy, alter-ego of Dark. There’s the good and the bad. . . I also thought about the definition of twilight . . well one of them anyways:

twi·light

4. a state of uncertainty, vagueness, or gloom.

(Yeah, that came out weird. It as my first time trying that, sorry.)

So, guessing from the definition, I consider myself to always be in twilight. I can only hope that the rain could wash that away. . . If only.