Early morning/Late night

Here I am. Awake. Straining my eyes at the bright monitor before me that’s illuminating the tiny corner of my room. Typing with a massive headache and slight fever, wondering why the hell am I still doing up.

Tired.Drowsy.Sick. . . of things.

Why can’t I sleep? Am I thinking too much? Jeez, overanalyzing things is a pain in the ass.

I sit back and watch. Sit back and think of what to say, things to make you realize whatever the hell you’re doing is stupid. You don’t realize the fire that just keeps burning -your words the fuel to the argument, our condescending thoughts of what you are now, proof that you truly are ignorant. A string of carefully researched words forms your wall, a wall we aim to tear down so you can finally grow up. Your attempts at trying to keep up are an annoyance. Accept. Accept these insults and change. Accept the childish deeds you’ve committed and stand on your own, don’t decide to take up the tasks that belittle the thought of you even further. You’re better than this, but you choose not to change. It’s been the same for two years, how you’ve ever retained an intimate relationship with anybody is beyond me, because they do not see what you do.

I tried. . . .I gave my two cents, again for the past two years.

You haven’t changed.

Haircut

I told myself a few months ago, that if I were rejected and finally over that one guy, I would do the Japanese schoolgirl thing and cut my hair.

Today, I cut my hair. It wasn’t because of him or anyone told me to do so. I cut it because it annoyed the hell out of me. However, I thought that if I did cut my hair, I would be over him. . . It didn’t work. I don’t know. It’s just something I’ll have to live with, I guess.

I can’t think of him without smiling, I can’t sit in class without stealing a glance his way, I can’t help. . . .liking him.